the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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