I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
