The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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