i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
