is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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