If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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