be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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