i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
