just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
