Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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