What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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