god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
