You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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