someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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