i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
