do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize