i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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