And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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