you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You're like the curious george of whores
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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