Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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