And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
