apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
