So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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