Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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