I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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