so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
