Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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