I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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