So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
