if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
