Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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