when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
