Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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