every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
