I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
