oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
