if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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