No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
