Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
When did we convert life to cartoon?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
