Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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