Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
where does the pee come out of this thing
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
