i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
