I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
