Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
oh god the rape fog is back!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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