it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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