I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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