yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I feel like abortions should bother me more
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
