life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
