True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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