Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
