At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
