You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
