you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
