sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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