when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
