my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
