I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
