that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
