I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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