I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
