I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
