I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Nicole vs. Life
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
