i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize