just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
