she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Found your dick twin last night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
