So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize