Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
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