He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
