Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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