uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
