omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
