so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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