Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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