Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
