WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
