so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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