There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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