I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize