dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
